Much like the rest of the internet, online video games are a technological and interpersonal marvel. Regardless of location and language, people can explore vast worlds and compete against one another — all from the comfort of their homes. For all its many benefits, however, there are adverse side effects. Online gaming communities can breed hostility, particularly in competitive environments. That can be especially damaging for young children. Thankfully, there are ways to monitor and protect your kids.
Talk to Your Kids
There are steps you can take to make sure your child is protected from the worst parts of the online gaming experience (we’ll discuss those in a moment), but the first and most important step is communication.
This step will look different in different cases. You wouldn’t, for example, speak to a 5-year-old about online gaming the same way you would speak to a 15-year-old. Still, there are some common threads.
The goal of your conversation should be twofold. First, you need to communicate your concerns to your child so they understand any steps you may insist on taking. New rules aren’t always easy, so make sure they at least understand you’re coming from a place of love.
Second, and perhaps more importantly, you want to convince your child of the benefits of boundaries in online gaming, so they can join you in making efforts to protect themselves. Discuss the dangers of sharing personal information online. Talk about how toxic attitudes can affect how we feel, and why even adults generally try to avoid situations in which they know they’ll encounter nasty language or hateful behavior.
It’s a conversation with a purpose, but try not to make it combative. Take the time to listen to your child, hear out counter-arguments, and attempt persuasion instead of announcing unilateral rules. The goal isn’t just to announce boundaries for your child’s youth; it’s also to help them craft a healthy relationship with online gaming that will continue into adulthood.
Turn Off Voice Chat
Many online games offer chat features that let teammates — and, in some cases, adversaries — communicate. The most potentially toxic of those features is voice chat, which is exactly what it sounds like: Players use microphones to talk to each other.
It is very hard to moderate voice chat in real time. Most games attempt to deal with voice chat abusers after the fact, which offers only a little comfort to parents.
There’s a simple way to deal with that problem: In virtually all online games, players can choose to turn off voice chat.
Voice chat is a setting in most games that players can toggle on and off at will. You probably won’t be able to block your children from accessing the setting, so you’ll need to communicate with them about voice chat rules and establish trust that they will follow the rules you agree to.
Watch Your Children Play
We aren’t suggesting you hover over their shoulder and “backseat game,” as some call it. Rather, set up the console or their computer in a public space. The living room or dining room are popular options. You don’t have to be actively watching them either. Simply sitting in the same room or listening from the kitchen will do. If you hear your child begin to get frustrated, intervene.
A good compromise for older children who value privacy is to let them play games in their room, but leave the door open. That gives them some agency, but allows you to hear if things go sour. You may also ask that they refrain from using headphones. Discuss it in depth with your child to find a solution that’s right for your family.
Depending on your situation, you may find that watching every time your kids play video games is overkill. But it’s not a bad idea to stop by and express an interest when they discover a new video game title. They may appreciate your expressing interest, and it’ll give you a chance to scope out the new game. Not all gaming communities are equally toxic, so it’s a good idea to be aware of which games your child is playing.
Limit Their Online Play Time and Encourage Offline Games
Some parents may restrict online time or screen time to a set period — typically an hour or two. Setting a time limit means children will play fewer total hours of video games.
That may not be your goal though. After all, what we’re discussing here is a particular type of video game experience — one that involves other humans behaving poorly. If the amount of screen time you’re comfortable with exceeds the amount of online gaming you’re comfortable with, don’t be afraid to set separate limits for certain games or types of games.
For every online title, there are plenty of others that are single-player and offline. Games such as Cuphead, Five Nights at Freddy’s, and Super Mario Odyssey are all extremely popular with kids but lack a major online component. There may be online leaderboards or the ability to share missions, but there’s no direct interaction with other players during gameplay.
Other games may have online features or social aspects but are perfectly playable without them. Animal Crossing: New Horizons allows players to visit one another’s islands, but it’s never required to advance the story. Among Us is a social deduction game, but single-player games against AI are available. Many games with optional online features offer stricter guidelines regarding online interactions. In Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, players can communicate only through a select number of prewritten responses.
This method will require some research and communication. Many games use online features that aren’t necessarily related to multiplayer activities. Encouraging your children to play nontoxic games isn’t as simple as just unplugging the router. You’ll need to know which online games should be restricted and which should not. Toxicity is about online multiplayer games, not online gaming in and of itself.
Set Up Parental Controls
Some video games and video game systems offer parental control options. Typically, the functions limit features such as voice and text chat. There may also be a built-in timer. When the timer runs out, the console or internet connection will turn off.
Depending on the device, you may use an app on your phone. The Nintendo Switch, for instance, has its own parental control app that allows you to control the console remotely.
Mobile games for children are particularly likely to have such parental controls built in. Gaming systems and video games designed for older children and adults may not have such features, but it never hurts to check!
Set Boundaries for Social Media and Gaming-Related Communities
There are countless debates about whether children should be allowed to use social media. Regardless of where you stand on the discussion, the fact is that many toxic gaming communities continue their hostility on sites such as X and Reddit. They may make posts decrying specific play styles and harass anyone who disagrees. It can be damaging to a child’s mental state to see that. Encourage your child to avoid social media posts about their favorite games, particularly after a stressful match.
Maintaining an online presence related to their favorite game may also make your child easier to dox, or identify personally. An angry gamer, for example, may find your child’s Reddit account if it has the same username as their online gamer tag. Older children may be able to understand and work with you on their personal online security; for younger children, it may be better to tell them to steer clear of gaming-related online communities.
There’s no cut-and-dried way to keep your child from encountering toxic mindsets while gaming without taking some drastic measures. Still, even the smallest countermeasure can significantly impact your kid’s well-being. Above all else, remind your child of one thing: At the end of the day, it’s still just a game.